Salt of Swine
Hey, ever catch yourself thinking, You know what this salt lick could use? A nice hunk of ham. Two words: Bacon Salt. The high-blood-pressure-inducing porkish delicacy’s four flavors of amazing are even available in zero-calorie, zero-fat, easily sprinkled form (and it’s somehow kosher!). That’ll do, pig; that’ll do. $5, chefsresource.com

Pop off
The EasyPop Popcorn Maker ensures a perfectly popped kernel every time. Plus, built-in moisture vents mean you won’t have to nurse steam burns during the next Gimme a Break! marathon on TV Land. $70, cuisinart.com

Bubble Fever
Good: Martini & Rossi Asti Spumante, $10
Better: Perrier-Jouët Grand Brut Champagne, $30
Best: Veuve Clicquot La Grande Dame, $145

Veg Out
Skip the supermarket spice rack and pluck fresh herbs right in your kitchen with the hydroponic AeroGarden Pro 200. This self-contained countertop garden is big enough to grow, um, vegetables. $200, aerogardenonlinestore.com


Grindhouse
Be your own sultan of schnitzel with the Waring Pro meat grinder. This statuesque stainless-steel beauty comes with two easy linking attachments, and the 450-watt motor is powerful enough to give bone and gristle a beat-down. Sausagefest! $200, chefscatalog.com

Power steering
Stop measuring your steak by the ounce—real men measure beef by the quarter ton. Save money, add flavor, and eat healthier by stepping up and buying a whole grass-fed cow. The meat is lower in fats, has higher levels of healthy omega-3s, and most of the time tastes better. Plus, these cows aren’t injected with hormones or raised in stalls, but roam in chemical-free pastures until, you know, they’re tricked into the killing barn. After you order (some farms will even let you pick the lucky cow), they’ll butcher it and ship in bulk or in regular installments. Be sure to give your delivery guy a heads-up—a beef steer will net you about 250 pounds of heart attack meat. $3,000–$5000, eatwild.com