Nobody—not the jihadists, not Christie Brinkley—hates as hard and as cold as a scorned fantasy-sports owner. These are the much-touted guys who oughta watch their backs after the disappointing first halves they've had this season.

C: Jason Varitek, Boston Red Sox
Red Sox fans love this fella almost as much as they love bandwagon-hopping and pink replica baseball caps. They’ve let this adoration blind them to the obvious: that Varitek, the stoic, square-headed champion of Yankee-extermination, is losing more runs with his bat than he’s saving with his grunty guidance of the club’s pitching staff.
Guys who have been better: Kurt Suzuki, Chris Iannetta

1B: Paul Konerko, Chicago White Sox
One might liken the speed of his decline to the death of a cell phone battery once the “warning” light starts blinking: One minute he was there, and the next he wasn’t.
Guys who have been better: Carlos Delgado, Kevin Millar

2B: Robinson Cano, New York Yankees
They give awards in baseball for everything: Gold Gloves to players ([cough] Jim Edmonds! [cough]) who make routine plays look superheroic, Cy Youngs to pitchers whose gaudy win totals impress ancient sportswriters with thickets of ear hair, etc. Why not a formal honorarium for Cano and his compadres—Eric Gagne, Miguel Cabrera, Andruw Jones—who haven’t deigned to give a shit in 2008? Maybe name the award after a legendary hack like Dave Kingman?
Guys who have been better: Ray Durham