Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Rating:


Directed by: Steve Carr

The Skinny: Paul Blart (Kevin James), a New Jersey mall cop lifer, realizes his—erm—girth has kept him from achieving anything meaningful in his life. But, when a gang of sk8er boi robbers take over the mall, Blart summons his inner vigilante.

The Good: This is actually one of those movies that's better than the trailer—which is not necessarily a good thing because the trailer was lamer than a bloodied mule. You'll get a couple of chuckles at the beginning when you realize just how awful a life Blart is living—dead end job, hypoglycemic, and has exactly 0 matches on an Internet dating service—and, while the love subplot is a bit out there (obesity isn't exactly the best pick-up line), it gives some purpose to Blart's motives later on when "teh ev1l guyz" invade.

The Bad: We read the press materials and were confused that there were no robbers to be found nearly 40 minutes into the movie. And when they finally do appear, they are emo jackasses toting skateboards and Henna tattoos. Even putting that aside, if you've seen James' schtick on The King of Queens, you've probably seen 90 percent of this movie already. We get it, director Steve Carr: Fat dudes attempting to crawl, climb, or move horizontally are indeed amusing to watch. We prefer them in two-minute YouTube clips, however.

Fun Facts by UrbanDictionary.com! "Blart" is actually a compound word defined as "a fart with blood in it." Come to think of it, that kind of accurately explains the film's takeaway value.

Theater, DVD, or TNT in Five Years? Hell, TNT in five weeks. It's a waste of time to even think about seeing this. If you're really in the mood for Blarting this week, we suggest the bloody kind.

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Notorious

Rating:


Directed by: George Tillman

The Skinny: First off, there's nothing skinny about this movie; it's protagonist and plot are very, very large. Raised in the hood by a single pious mother (played excellently by Angela Bassett), Notorious chronicles the life, times and tragic death of NYC rapping sensation Christopher Wallace, aka The Notorious B.I.G. From his earnest upbringing to teenage years spent hustling crack to his brief time on top, Notorious aims to reveal the multifaceted man behind rap's most timeless and transcendent rhymes.

The Good: For something that feels like it belongs on Lifetime, there are actually a few very satisfying high points. Dead (no pun intended) ringer Jamal Woolard plays Biggie with affable authenticity, while Derek Luke nails Puffy's dance moves to hilarious effect. Add love triangles and the infamous East Coast vs. West Coast rap war, and you've got some almost Shakespearean plot lines.

The Bad: By trying to cram in as much information as possible, Notorious feels more like an episode of VH1's Behind The Music and less like an in-depth character study of an obviously tormented man. You can't help but feel like you were given a cursory overview of a life that deserved far deeper story telling.

Is this a modern retelling of the classic Hitchcock film?: No, it isn't.

Theater, DVD, or TNT in Five Years? Make it a DVD rental to follow up your umpteenth viewing of the "Mo Money Mo Problems" video.