There are plain old delis, and then there are Jewish delicatessens. At delis you get premade shrink-wrapped tuna sandwiches. Jewish delicatessens, however, are temples of fatty meats like pastrami, corned beef, and brisket, places that taught America the meaning of “supersized” and perfected the art of the grumpy waiter. They’re institutions, and, sadly, there aren’t many left. So eat up while you can. L’Chaim!
Katz’s Delicatessen - New York, NY
Been around since: 1888
Bigger, badder, and boasting more attitude than any other deli, this is the Yankee Stadium of salty animal flesh: a giant, 100-year-old fluorescent-lit barn where 350 diners are packed cheek by jowl, all in the name of pastrami. The spiced, smoked, steamed cut of navel (that’s beef) is hand-sliced by a dozen rough-looking cutters along a long wooden counter, each clutching a knife and glaring menacingly. But one bite and you’ll break out your O-face in appreciation, like Meg Ryan famously did here in When Harry Met Sally.
Would it kill you to try? Pastrami on rye with spicy brown mustard.
Canter’s Deli - Los Angeles, CA
Been around since: 1924
Considering this place is open 24/7 and has a full bar with live music (Guns N’ Roses got their start here), it’s the perfect spot to get slowly trashed, fill yourself with Jewish comfort food, and watch the celebrity train wrecks wander in at 3 a.m. It’s also a stoner’s paradise, with crazy lights and plastic owls spinning atop air vents on the roof. Priceless.
Would it kill you to try? The Monte Cristo: piles of ham, turkey, and American and Swiss cheese, deep-fried and sprinkled with sugar.
Schwartz’s Montreal Hebrew Delicatessen - Montreal, Quebec
Been around since: 1928
It’s called Smoked Meat. It’s the bastard child of pastrami and corned beef, and once you get over the fact that Céline Dion loves the stuff, it’s a taste of pure heaven…if angels served up super-fatty, smoky, spicy brisket. Its sanctuary is a white-tiled, grease-stained wonderland where the menu offers fewer than 10 items and substitutions are out of the question. But eat fast. The waiters tend to kick you out after half an hour.
Would it kill you to try? Sandwich combo with grilled liver, grilled rib steak, grilled salami, fries, a garlicky pickle, and coleslaw.
Carnegie Delicatessen - New York, NY
Been around since: 1937
Home to wisecracking waiters, walls plastered with celebrity photos, some of the fattest tourists on Earth, and sandwiches boasting over a pound of meat between two useless slices of bread. Consider sharing meals, or at least keep a heart surgeon nearby, because that family from Arkansas is only going to snap more photos when you keel over.
Would it kill you to try? The Woody Allen, a combo of pastrami and corned beef on rye.
Manny’s Cafeteria & Delicatessen - Chicago, IL
Been around since: 1942
Chicago’s cops, firemen, politicians, and other Chris Farley clones line up daily to heap servings of kishke (sausage casing stuffed with chicken fat-flavored flour and onions), mishmash (chicken soup with matzo balls, meat dumplings, and noodles), and chopped liver onto trays. Think of it as your high school cafeteria, only with tasty food, mustaches, and the occasional Obama sighting.
Would it kill you to try? Corned beef on rye with mustard. If you ask for anything else, you’re either a terrorist or dumber than Blago.
Langer’s Delicatessen - Los Angeles, CA
Been around since: 1947
Every sandwich needs its Mona Lisa, and the Langer family gives their pastrami the da Vinci treatment. Grab a seat in one of the plush booths or along the low counter. The pastrami is steamed, then hand-carved into juicy ribbons of meaty symmetry. The two slices of seeded rye bread it rests between are so soft, warm, and firm in the right places, you might get arrested for groping.
Would it kill you to try? The most delicious pastrami in America.
3G’s Gourmet Deli - Delray Beach, FL
Been around since: 1986
This place is so popular with Jewish retirees, there’s a loudspeaker in the parking lot that calls names from a waiting list that’s dozens long. Try a hot roast brisket sandwich on an onion roll (the meat’s so tender you barely need to chew) and you’ll likely rush down to Florida, buy some white pants, hike ’em up to your chest, and retire early.
Would it kill you to try? Matzo ball soup, the holy elixir of every Jewish mother.
Kenny & Ziggy’s - Houston, TX
Been around since: 1999
Ziggy Gruber, whose grandfather opened his first New York deli in 1927, transplanted to a high-end Houston strip mall and created a Manhattan sanctuary lined with deli jokes, Broadway posters, and enough hanging salamis to feed the Astros. Even though he’s in his 40s, Ziggy speaks so much Yiddish you’d think he’s Henny Youngman reincarnated.
Would it kill you to try? Stuffed cabbage. The meat’s as tender as veal, and the tomato sauce perfectly balances sweet and sour.
Caplansky’s Delicatessen - Toronto, Ontario
Been around since: 2008
Zane Caplansky smokes his spicy briskets in-house with so much flavor it tastes like you’re eating a cow caught in a forest fire. He also makes his own mustard from scratch and even offers a version of Quebec’s famous fries-cheese-gravy combo poutine, which he kicks up with scraps of his smoked meat…That’s four fats in one! This corner spot draws a downtown crowd that ranges from carnivorous coeds to Rush frontman Geddy Lee.
Would it kill you to try? Meat poutine.
Kenny & Zuke’s Delicatessen - Portland, OR
Been around since: 2007
This is some next-level shit. Ken Gordon and Nick Zukin bake their bread (dense, crusty, gorgeous) and bagels (small, chewy, golden), smoke their pastrami (fattier, saltier, more peppery than the rest), cure their beef tongue (the sashimi of deli meat), make their pickles, and serve 50 sodas from across the U.S. Prepare to fress like a macher (“eat like a pimp,” goyim).
Would it kill you to try? Ken’s Special, a giant stack of pastrami, chopped liver, coleslaw, and Russian dressing.
